Pondering Forgiveness.

I've been thinking that I allow myself to get away with far too much unforgiveness. There have been a number of jolly good candidates for a juicy grudge in my life so far, and I have frequently let forgiveness be something 'on the to-do list'. I've thought; I'll get round to it.

When I'm feeling especially magnanimous, I'll say words which sound like forgiveness but my heart will be far from them. And I will console myself with the idea that as long as my general intention is towards forgiving them, that's enough for now.

After a time, the hurt will be less hot, and they may well pass into my 'indifference' file. But too often - far too often, I let them rest there. If there should be an occasion when they are brought to my remembrance, I will catch myself justifying saying mean-spirited things about them, recalling the injuries they had done me and others.

I will ponder their faults, consider myself lucky they didn't do worse, and, perhaps in a moment of supreme condescension, I'll be sad for them to have to go through life with such glaring inadequacies.

That's not forgiveness, and it skirts perilously close to self-righteousness, too. (Skirts? It fairly burrows into the petticoats of self-righteousness, I should say!)

Forgiveness is a determined effort to fully and freely forgive my enemy, and get to the place where I actually wish good things upon them, in all genuine sincerity.

That's why Jesus Christ used the parable of the unforgiving servant to help us to understand what forgiveness truly is. Because we have to learn to forgive as God Himself forgives. If I honestly believe that I have to work harder to forgive those who have wronged me than God had to work to forgive me, I have a rather inflated view of my own importance, and my own grievances.

How does God forgive me? Well, before I even knew what I was, He died a cruel and undeserved death, taking all the sins I have and will ever commit onto Himself. He then took the merit of His perfect, sinless life, and gave it to me. He didn't just die on the cross and begrudgingly put me in His indifference file. He died, and rose again, and gifted me with the lavish, extravagant gift of His righteousness, because of His love.

Forgiveness - Christian forgiveness - isn't just being able to tolerate my enemy. It is deliberately going to the painful place of the cross, leaving the sin there and replacing it with grace. It is hard, and sometimes can be a battle. But when I know how I have been forgiven, how can I dare not to give my own forgiveness freely?