Revisiting convictions

As part of the flurry of new year 'resolution' posts on some forums I visit, I have been encouraged to take stock of the last decade of my life. It's been a momentous time, losing a parent, getting married, becoming a parent a few times over.

Aside from these life-defining events, I've developed convictions on faith that have defined the choices I've made - choices to be a stay at home mum, and to change church.

At the beginning of the decade I was an active charismatic, arminian in theology. I had no concept of motherhood as a calling, and I saw in the new millenium dressed in a mini-skirt and a backless top.

As the decade progressed, I changed beyond all recognition, but also had to face some hard things, including very difficult pregnancies that literally crippled me for long periods of time.

This review of the last decade showed me that I've very much lost my way in the past couple of years, due to my mental health issues, and I've been inspired to revisit many of the things which first kindled enthusiasm for me in the first few years of the decade.

I've finally got around to getting a copy of 'Passionate Housewives, desperate for God' which is co-written by one of the women who first influenced me to take a counter-cultural approach to family, Stacy MacDonald. It's a bracing read, and so far I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

At first I think I clung to these convictions because they felt like stability after a life of instability, and inevitably I fell into thinking that I had to be like certain people or I wasn't being faithful to my callings.

The trials of the past few years have really impressed upon me that I need to own what I believe and live it out in my own context - I realized I had wanted to be like Stacy, rather than wanting to be embracing the same convictions but in my own way.

I'm ten years older now, and Lord willing, a little wiser. I hope to get myself back on a firmer foundation so that I can fully hold to my calling, respect and honour those who have influenced me, and hopefully be a godly influence myself.