I'm a multi-book person. I very rarely have only one book on the go, and currently have about three which I'm working through. One is a revisit, called The Mutual Love of Christ and His People. It's a marvellously puritan title, though it's by one of my favourite modern preachers, Peter Masters.
As I read today, I was moved by something peculiar - I noticed that I wasn't moved. The delightful descriptions left me utterly cold, and this is to be remarked upon as I think I've felt this way for a long time, and only just properly noticed.
Then I read an extract from Spurgeon over at Dan's blog speaking, as Spurgeon does, so eloquently to the depths of depression, and I realized that I have been feeling terribly, terribly guilty about this.
Time was I had real passion for the gospel, and loved to devour all I could by way of a devoted heart. But I think right now the Lord has removed the usual consolations of religion, and I think He can only mean me to seek after Him all the harder.
I don't mean chasing feelings, naturally, but I do think there is something passionate hidden from me at the moment, and I would like it back again.
2/14/2010
On not feeling
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2 comments:
I've been kind of downcast lately as well.
We sang the hymn, "O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" in church today, and I didn't feel the affection I have felt in the past. Though for a moment I did thank the Lord for loving me, though utterly undeserving.
Here's a nice rendition, I thought: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc6XewzY0Xk
"O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!"
I shall pray for you Kay. Hey that rhymes.
Sometimes devotional books do leave you cold (even when you got benefit from them before).
The old writers sometimes talk about the early days of a person's Christian walk as being a time of great warmth and feeling, but as the young Christian grows, the enthusiasm sometimes gives way to a more settled, grounded, firmly rooted conviction that the Lord is good and worthy to be trusted in. I don't think that can refer to an inevitable pattern, because faith and feeling would ideally go hand in hand, and in any given Christian's experience there can be ups and downs and cooling off and revivings, so it's not as though warmth of feeling must or ought to disappear, but in the absence of 'good frames' or depths of feeling, the basic relationship between the Lord and his people remains as firm as ever. 'Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale, yet will I fear none ill, for thou art with me ...' - always present, even if not always comfortably present.
Or Isaiah 50 - Who is there among you that fears the Lord and walks in darkness? Let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God.
Sometimes turning to doctrinal or practical books or themes can be more satisfying/reassuring (and hopefully will rekindle the devotional spark) when you run into the danger of beating yourself up unnecessarily about lack of response to devotional materials. (Something like, say, Thomas Watson or Thomas Boston, or whatever.)
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